First entry for 2004.

I suppose I should do some sort of recap or evaluation of 2003 first. Lemme see...

- Jid started his teasing
- I almost flunked Math (Trig)
- I flunked Math twice (Calculus) - *lowest point(s)*
- I got to bond with my block (the rest of The 22)
- I met new people and formed great new friendships (Kev)
- I got the extremeties of grades (uber high and flunking ones)
- I found the most amazing guy in the world and he became my first boyfriend - *highlight*

Hmmm... well... I don't know. It may not seem so bad but... flunking Math was just horrible. I just don't ever want to go through with that again. I hope to do better, much much much better. I have to. I have to stop just telling myself that, I really, really, really have to do it. Help me, oh God.

2003... I learned that no matter how hard you try, but you don't really put your heart and mind into it... it's futile. Also, no matter how many times you've gone through something, it doesn't make things any easier. You just have to remember and use whatever you have learned the previous time, work your ass off and hope for the best. I learned that you don't go waiting around for love, or friendship... You make them happen. You don't jot down preferences for love, you don't keep your standards, because the moment it meets you - you have no control over things - it's either you take it with all that he is, or let it pass you by pondering on what-could-have-beens. Lastly, there is no such thing as a perfect life, or a perfect day, no matter how smoothly everything seems to be going, be ready for some bad things to happen. Quite sad, but true. You just have to deal with it, take them as they and make the best of it, whichever way you can.

Let's all hope for a better, happier and more peaceful 2004. ;-)

Insecurity Check

Nobody ever calls me nice. Or sweet. Or beauty and brains.

I realized that after browsing and jumping over different Friendster profiles lately. (Yes, I have no life... You don't have to tell me that.) Just sad... that I can't be described or seen as those so-called positive and appealing adjectives by people around me and of course, my friends. Sure, there were few testimonials that said I was nice and "mabait"... but that was after saying that I was "mataray" or "masungit"!

Jeez. I know I can't be who I'm not. Just that sometimes... maybe people would see something positive, something good and something "nice" in me. Oh well.

* * *

Turns out tonight's Jid's overnight thing with Jella.

It was her birthday on Christmas day, and well... Jid said she's having this overnight party-slash-inuman thing in her uncle's Batangas resort originally. But then the place suddenly became unavailable, so their having the overnight party at the rooftop/penthouse of this hospital in Valenzuela that her family owns. Tsktsk. Rich, rich girl, I tell you.

I'm jealous. Not of Jella. Jeez. I know they're like the best of friends... Just that, he gets to spend time with his friends yet, we can't be together this whole holiday vacation. Crap.

Sometimes, I wish I could just blurt everything out to my parents and that everything would turn out okay. But then, life's not that easy for me.

* * *

What's wrong?

Together = 3 and a half months

Dates = Quite a lot

Arguments and fights = None as yet

"I loves you's" spoken = Zilch. Nada. Zero.

I'm not rushing into things and I'm not sure if I'm into saying the 3-letter-word yet myself... But the way he's pointing out every now and then that he can't say it yet. It's like he's pointing it out all the time! It's quite... um... frustrating. He's not a commitment-phobe, is he? Hmph.

* * *

Fuck. Mom won't let me go out malling and shopping on Monday with my friends. Ugh. She can be so unreasonable at times!

* * *

Oh right. Finally got an LJ. Hehe. No need for codes na pala.

My Christmas...

Well, started off early with the morning mass at the church. Went off to visit the relatives after that. Received gifts (and of course, money!) and ate a lot. Slept around the afternoon. Bonding sessions. More food, more money. That was pretty much it. Heehee.

Not so bad.

* * *

I want an Anna Kournikova-body

Yes, you read that right.

Maaan. Was watching the Tanasugarn-Kournikova match held in Thailand on Solar Sports last night (Anna won). Not only did I realize how much I miss watching tennis... I also realized I really, really want an Anna Kournikova-body. Is that too vain? Too typical? And why of all people, Anna Kournikova, you ask?

Jeez. Look at that body! (Am I sounding so lesbian here? - and that's not a sexist comment, mind you!) She's just hot, man! I want her curves, her muscles... her hip bones!

Goal for 2004: get fit, get healthy, get that hot body!

Sounded so teenyboppery... but what the hell, that's what I want.

* * *

New stuff

~I got this nice corduroy stretch mini-skirt that I really love... (Wonder if it's at a decent length to wear to school without getting stared or hooted at?)
~Mom bought me new sandals that are perfect for the skirt and this cute bag that my blockmate, Loz, gave me for the exchange gift! (Yayness!)

Too much vanity near the beginning of the year? *blushes* Couldn't help it!

* * *

Miss my honey. He's at his friend Jella's birthday party right now. It's an overnight thing. Just hoping he won't drink so much and get another headache.


***** PLACES:

1) PLACE YOU HUNG OUT THE MOST IN THIS YEAR: Haha. Metroeast?!

2) FAVORITE NEW PLACE YOU DISCOVERED: Bacci.

3) PLACES YOU WENT ON DATES: Metroeast. Gayuma. Bacci. Starbucks... Hehe, dates nga ba yun?

4) FAVORITE VACATION SPOT FOR THE YEAR: Ugh... didn't get to go around much this year.

5) PLACES YOU MADE OUT IN (OR MORE) THIS YEAR: Jid's car, his tita's place (shhh!), and some other places


****PEOPLE:

1) PERSON WHO TAUGHT YOU A LOT THIS YEAR: Jid. Kev.

2) AN OLD FRIEND YOU REDISCOVERED THIS YEAR: Hmmm... none, really.

3) PERSON WHO TOLD YOU THE NICEST THING ABOUT YOURSELF: I don't really know.

4) PERSON WHO DID SOMETHING REALLY GREAT FOR YOU (AND WHAT): Jid... for everything.

5) PERSON YOU SPENT THE MOST TIME WITH THIS YEAR: Jid.

6) PERSON YOU DID SOMETHING REALLY GREAT FOR (AND WHAT): Hmmm... Jid... my friends.

7) SOMEONE YOU WISHED YOU TALKED TO THIS YEAR: cousin Yani

8) SOMEONE WHOM YOU STARTED A GREAT NEW FRIENDSHIP WITH THIS YEAR: Kev.

9) OLD ENEMY/S YOU MADE PEACE WITH THIS YEAR: None! Heehee.

10) SOMEONE YOU LOST THIS YEAR: Er... I don't know.

11) PERSON/S YOU KISSED THIS YEAR: Kiss-kiss? Jid! Beso? Friends, family.

12) PERSON WHO MADE YOU LAUGH THE MOST: Jid. Kev. Drea.

13) PERSON WHO MADE YOU CRY: Hmmm... can't think of anyone.

14) PERSON YOU DISLIKED WHEN THE YEAR BEGAN BUT ENDED UP BECOMING GOOD FRIENDS WITH: Erm. Don't...really...know.

15) PERSON YOU CRUSHED ON THE ENTIRE YEAR: No one... well, does Andy Roddick count?

16) SOMEONE YOU WISHED YOU APOLOGIZED TO: I really don't know. Mom and Dad for THE thing.

17) PEOPLE YOU WENT OUT ON DATES WITH: Jid.

18) FRIENDS YOU WENT OUT WITH ALOT: Jid, and blockmates.

19) COOLEST PERSON YOU MET THIS YEAR: Ooh. I don't think I met someone this year that I can call "cool".


******* STUFF:

1) CLOTHING ITEM YOU WORE THE MOST THIS YEAR: Hmmm... my favorite faded jeans. I think they're getting worn out now.

2) NICEST PRESENT YOU GOT THIS YEAR: my 18th birthday gifts were awesome. I'm yet to find out about Jid's Christmas gift for me.

3) FAVORITE SONG FOR THE YEAR: Can We Still Be Friends? Hehe. I don't know!

4) COOLEST EVENT OF THE YEAR: Becoming "us"! Hahaha.

5) NEW HOBBY YOU PICKED UP THIS YEAR: Uh... I don't know, really.

6) BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: Hmmm... hard to decide.

7) BEST MOVIE: Pirates of the Carribean? Dami eh.

8) MOST SHOCKING NEWS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Saddam captured? Hehe.

9) FAVORITE FOOD FOR THE YEAR: Chocolate and leche flan.

10) FAVORITE NEW ARTIST THAT CAME OUT THIS YEAR: Blackeyed Peas.


***** LESSONS:

1) WISEST THING YOU DID THIS YEAR: Getting straight to the point.

2) STUPIDEST THING YOU DID THIS YEAR: Flunk that damned subject... twice. Ugh.

3) BIGGEST CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE THIS YEAR: Being with him.

4) BIGGEST CHALLENGE OF THE YEAR: Keeping THE thing secret.

5) SOMETHING YOU LEARNED THE HARD WAY: Never think something's easy just because you've gone through it before.

6) GREATEST LESSON YOU LEARNED THIS YEAR: You can't always get what you want.

7) BEST JOKE YOU'VE HEARD ALL YEAR: There are tons of them! All of them really corny! Haha.

8) BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE YEAR: Myself. Repeating the damn subject. Again.

9) BIGGEST BLESSING OF THE YEAR: Family, friends... Jid, of course.

10) BIGGEST THING YOU DISCOVERED ABOUT THE WORLD: It's cold when you're alone.

11) BIGGEST THING YOU DISCOVERED ABOUT PEOPLE IN GENERAL: There are some you like, some you don't like. There are those you get along with, those you'd never want to deal with. And lastly, you can hate even the nicest people in the world if you want to.

****AND LASTLY!!!

1) GOALS/DREAMS FOR NEXT YEAR: Work out, get high grades (or pass), learn a new talent or hobby.

2) PREDICTIONS FOR NEXT YEAR ON:
A. LOVE - Keep going strong?
B. CAREER - Damn. Just pass all my subjects on time.

The end.

It's Christmas Eve...

and I'm feeling... wistful. The word, huh?

I miss something. No, no more talk or posts about not having the Christmas spirit. I'm done with that. I've come to accept the fact that, yeah... I've lost that years ago. Sad, but true.

Anyway... I just think... I'm missing something. People, places, feelings. Weird, huh?

Merry Christmas to all.

* * *

Been wandering into a lot of LJs... and now, I feel like I want an LJ too! Anyone have an extra code or something? Please?!

I have a blog, a blurty and a tabulas... but hey, I want an LJ too! Heehee.

It's Jid's 20th birthday today!

Maaan. How old is that, huh?! Still love him as much and probably even more. Heehee.

I called him up twice today - yes, long-distance! - because I felt so bad about not being there with him. Hmph. I miss him sooo much. Turns out he's been having a not-so-good birthday. Poor boy.

* * *

On a heavier note...

I feel sooo damn guilty and sooo damn bad. I don't want to elaborate. Just that... ugh! I stumbled into something... found out about something that I know I'm not supposed to know of!

Self-control... self-control... self-control...

Help me!!!

I'm meeting The Lunch Group. *shivers* (What a name, I know...)

I don't know when, where or how... probably next year when school starts... but hey, I'm definitely meeting them soon.

Sure... I'd wanna meet his friends but the lunchgroup kinda scares me. Especially since I've developed some kind of pretense and some judgment about them... What if I get tongue-tied? Oh god. I am sooo not a people person! I don't like meeting new people and I don't like being so chummy with strangers... Okay, maybe I can manage meeting new people, it's just that there's pressure that I have to like them and they have to like me coz they're his friends! Gah.

It's about time that I meet them and they get to meet me, though... you know. I mean, we've been together 3 months already! It's just right... I mean, I should've even met them a long time ago when all these started. We've been living in our own world for such a long time. Tsktsk.

Lord, just help me out... will yah?

* * *

I miss being a couple with him... I miss going out on movie dates, having late-night coffee and desert, the early morning breakfasts... I miss them.

* * *

Christmas Wish List (in no particular order)

- lots of chocolates
- more time and more freedom with my Jid
- new clothes! (skirts, pants and shirts!)
- a huuuge teddy bear
- a thong panty (hehehe)
- longer hair
- world peace
- The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Neverwhere (need to, want to, should read them soon!)
- lip gloss
- food for the hungry
- higher grades
- Sex and the City on DVD

... and more!

Christmas Break

Finally... I get to sleep and relax and have fun. Those damn plates! *sigh* Just two weeks off then it's back to work, not school, mind you.

The only bad and sad thing about this Christmas break is that, I don't get to see him, as often as I'd want. It's even doubtful if I'm ever going to see him at all during the break. Saaad. I miss him so much.

Oh well...

* * *

I didn't get to watch or participate during the Lantern Parade... We were practically required to be there but most of us didn't go because of Kay's debut. All those who didn't go will eventually get a grade of 5.0 in an exercise. Oh well. Heard that AIT won and our college, Arki, last year's over-all winner, didn't get to win anything. I didn't find the firefly-slash-bug too interesting either.

* * *

Finally... I can sleep...

Uhhh...

I can't view my blog... and other .blogspot sites...

;'(