Boo...

Hmmm... have you ever felt utter bliss? Been in a pure yet confusing state of happiness? Like every moment in your life seems special, seems magical. It's crazy to even think about it but... I don't know... I've been in this sort of daze for a few weeks now. Is it love? Maybe. It's quite unexplainable. It's true what Pablo Neruda (well, I think it was him) that if you want something, the universe conspires for you to have it. Something like that. Man, I think I'm getting stupider and dumber everyday. I can't even quote a poet correctly. But anyway, that was just a digression.

My life's great right now. Despite some ugly turn of events - academically. I don't really wanna talk about it coz it just dampens my spirits, it floods my heart with insecurities, it pisses me off. But, as I've said... despite that, I am perfectly happy and contented with my family, with my friends, with *him*. No... I won't get mushy or get too lovestruck. All I know is, even though I had that really major bummer of a problem, I still feel blessed. I've come to accept that I really can't have everything... and I guess, I could exchange that bit of failure for what I have right now.

I've always been mediocre. I've realized that a long time ago... and yet, I somehow continued being one. I know I'm not stunningly beautiful, I'm no headturner... I'm just pretty. I know that I'm no genius, no math whiz, no skilled debater... but I'm witty and smart enough. I know I'm not rich, I'm not popular, I don't excel in things that society deems extraordinary... but I have my family, I have my own set of wonderful friends and I have worth and talent. Regardless, of the pros and cons where a sort of mediocrity seems evident, I know myself and I love myself. I'm not perfect, but I should never settle for anything less than what I deserve. Never again.

Because I know, I deserve the best.

* * *

Another comment on Friendster... I know there are addicts out there, who seem to treat it as some popularity contest. But I sure hope that it would not go to the point that they'd start adding strangers as their friends! That would just be waaay pathetic.

* * *

Something Beautiful
Robbie Williams

You can’t manufacture a miracle
The silence was pitiful that day.
A love is getting too cynical
Passion's just physical these days
You analyze everyone you meet
But get no sign, love ain't kind
every night you admit defeat
and cry yourself blind

Chorus
If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

The DJ said on the radio
Life should be stereo, each day
In the past you cast the unsuitable
Instead of some kind of beautiful, you just couldn't wait
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified, when they lived alone

Repeat chorus

Some kind of beautiful (will come your way)
(x4)

All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no no no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived alone

Repeat chorus

* * *

Blog Stuff

Been wondering about this lately: where's Joe?!

I hardly do any pluggings, nor do I even get to update my links, but if you want some good reading... Better visit Sinta's blog. It's just truly... awesome and amazing.

Oh... and you can read some funny stuff at his tabulas.

Bumming around...

Even though I've basically got nothing to do this past few days... Forgive me for the lack of updates. I've just been in a lull lately, I don't really know why. Must be some kind of post-sem-stress thing. Oh well. It's a change, you see... not having anything to do, having lots of free time.

Well, I passed Physics - that I can be sure of... It's Math that I'm worried about. Once again. Hmph. I don't like the feeling. I don't like it at all. It used to be... back in high school, I aimed for the best. I wanted high grades, I worked for them, and yes, I did earn what I deserved. But now, it's different. Waaay different. Now, the goal is just to pass... and yet, still... I somehow fall short of the goal, at times. I hate it. It's just not what I had planned to do, or to be, in college. It sucks, big time.

Oh well. Can't help but sigh all the while.

Man... it's sembreak... I should be having fun!!!

Finally... Sembreak's here.

But I still can't help feeling depressed regarding those finals exams. Hmph. I surely don't wanna see my grades anytime soon. *sob* Lord, I don't wanna do any more retakes... please?

* * *

Hear ye, Hear ye...

I think I should finally blurt it out here. Remember that date I posted last month that should be noted? Well, that was September 9, 2003. It's been a month... and yes, we've been together for that long.

You know what I'm talking about. Life is good right now.

Did that make any sense?

* * *

Let's just hope that it won't be the case that when romance is in full bloom, something else (like academics) would suffer. I can balance both. I'm not sure if Life wants me to.

No net, no blog, no tabulas, no friendster for the rest of the day til Wednesday. I should really sudy for my finals. I need to.

Whew.

I'm finally done with all my final plates in my majors... and I have four days to study for my Physics 71 final and five days for my Math 53. I'm a wee bit in trouble with both subjects but I sure hope I'll pull through. It's just been some crazy 2 weeks. Help me God. I can't wait for the sembreak but I have to make sure I passed this sem.

* * *

Been having some qualms and some problems here at home. It's the usual parents-don't-trust-me-anymore situation. I don't wanna talk about it. I'm a bit sad and also a bit pissed about it - as I know that I've done absolutely nothing wrong. Hmph.

* * *

Perfect
Simple Plan

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all doing

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

* * *

With so many people joining and logging on to Friendster, it's no wonder the site's having some maintenance problems. It is kind of addictive and it's just fun to see how everyone is connected to each other and that it's a small world after all. I just don't like how some people treat it as some popularity contest. ("Shucks, ang konti pa lang ng friends ko!" "Whoa, kailangan maka-200 friends din ako!" "50 lang friends nya?") My god, people. Please get a life.

* * *

It's almost Christmas!

If I die before I wake...

No, this blog isn't dead yet. But the owner, the blogger... probably is.

I am sooo f*cking damn tired. Haven't had any worthwhile sleep the whole week. These last three days were especially torture. Math fifth exam was "take-home" but it still sucked. It was sooo hard. Then that Physics lab practical and written exam... plus that really, really, really hellish Physics 3rd exam.

Why do teachers and professors have to be so cruel and make real difficult tests? Whyyy?

I believe in miracles... Send me one. Even just one. Or two.