Well, I'm here blogging 7 or so hours before we get on the van on a trip to Tagaytay.

I got to watch the dubbed version of Amores Perros on CinemaOne and damn, Gael Garcia Bernal is really one hot guy! I got to see bits of Y Tu Mama Tambien when I came over my cousin's house and she was watching it on DVD. Sigh... I wished I had stayed over and finished it.



* * *

Sigh... How I wish I am already on summer vacation...

* * *

CRS enlistment starts now... and surprise, surprise! I can't even access the site.

Belated Happy Birthday, Kate!

Whoops. I forgot to mention that it was Kate's 18th birthday yesterday. We just talked for a long while on the phone coz we haven't seen or talked to each other for a month or so... She didn't plan any kind of party but she did celebrate with her LB friends. Too bad her high school friends didn't get to celebrate with her.

* * *

Tagaytay...

It is just so frustrating that my folks are planning to get the family on a trip to Tagaytay tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, it should be fun - that is, if I don't have a Math final exam up ahead! Darnit. Everyone's gonna be having tons of fun while I'm gonna be forcing myself to study. It is sooo not good to have vacation in the middle of my finals week.

* * *

Half-Life
Duncan Sheik

I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
and it's one of those moments
when everything is so clear

before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear

It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
when i figure it out

but I don't mind a few mysteries
they can stay that way it's fine by me
and you are another mystery i am missing

It takes so much out of me to pretend

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

Lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
again

'cause lately something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life,
without you I am breaking down

wake me, let me see the daylight
save me from this half-life
let's you and I escape
escape from time

come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
again

Sigh... I love that song.

* * *

New Layout

I'm working on a new layout - yes, on a time when I should either be studying or working on my plate. I'm still experimenting with the colors a bit, though. But it definitely will have my favorite painting by my favorite painter, Vincent Van Gogh.

Dorm Hunt Over

Well, sort of. I found this dorm along Katipunan. Mariel actually stays there and she's the one who referred the place to me. It seemed okay enough, not too fancy but not shabby, either. There were lots of vacancies and so I don't have a room-mate yet. Hopefully, not for a long time. Man... it'll take a lot of getting used to. New people, new environment, new lifestyle. Wish me luck... It's my first time living alone (sort of) and yeah, as cliche as it may sound, it is one big step for me. I'll start moving there once summer classes start.

* * *

Math... need I say more?

The results of my third departmental exam didn't live up to expectations. Shit. I've computed the average of my three exams and I only ended up with a barely passing mark. Double shit. In that case, I really, really, really need to get a high score on my finals. Triple shit.

Know what? I never really liked Math. Well, maybe when I was a little kid... but as soon as I got into fifth or sixth grade, I began loathing Math. I just didn't like it and it didn't like me so much, either. Jeez... What was I thinking, taking up such a technical and mathematical course?! It just doesn't make sense. Yeah, I know: Quadruple shit. Damn.

* * *

Hell Week

...isn't over yet. I still have that sordid Math 14 final exam and yeah, that crappy Arch 16 final exam next week. And yeah, of course, the final stretch: the Arch 20 final plate. Sigh. I will be absolutely happy once everything is all over. Really, really, really happy. I am just sooo looking forward to our so-called bonding party. That should be lotsa fun.

My Arch 20 professor just came from a two-week seminar-thingy from Beijing, China. I know, I know. Uh-oh... The word SARS flashed through my head. Well, he seemed okay and normal - as normal as he can get, that is. Hopefully, all's well... or I'm dead. We're all dead. Literally.

* * *

If You're Not The One... A Love Song for No One... Dammit.

These two songs had been ringing in my ears for the past week. Wtf?! Does that mean anything? Am I really in the Bitter Single Stage now? I really need to get a life. Fast.

* * *

Damn this war. So many people are dying. Why the hell can't anyone just stop the whole thing?!

Good Riddance...

My freshman year in the University of the Philippines is drawing to a close... Sigh.

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time...

* * *

Takin' a break from all the fun and the bummin' around...

I'm planning to take a few days off my cyberspace life. I won't be blogging or going online for a few days. I have lotsa things to do before I could say that I passed my first year in college. And so, even though I already am in the summer-mood, I better get back to the books and study, study, study! Ugh.

Anyway, thanks to those who've been visiting my blog even though it can be full of nonsense rantings at times. And yeah... let's all pray for World Peace.

* * *

Someday my Prince will come!

... said Snow White. Point taken. I should not stress over him again til he shows up. I hope.

Things Left To Do For The Rest Of The Semester:

March 27
Kasaysayan 2 Third Exam
(Hopefully, I won't have to take the Final Exam - or I'm so dead)
March 28
Arch 3 Final Plate
(An "anything-goes" plate which I haven't got a clue on what to do)
April 2
Math 14 Final Exam
(Help me, God!)
April 7
Arch 20 Final Plate
(Includes a bunch of stuff - none of which I've started working on)

* * *

And so I watched the Oscars. I liked Adrien Brody's, Chris Cooper's and Nicole Kidman's speeches. They brought up the war issue subtly but gave out inspiring unbiased words.

* * *

I've been having "the moments" once again. I suppose I have too much time on my hands - due to procrastination and not because I'm done with my requirements (see above, if you must). I've been thinking waaay too much, methinks. With the war going on, the talks of oil, POWs and weapons of mass destruction - here I am, pondering on what lies ahead not for the world, but for me.

I don't know. I feel like I make decisions based on my own convenience and not based on my well-being. I think I do things based on other people's actions and not out of my own effort or interest. I guess, I just can't fend for myself. For instance, I believe I'm taking summer classes not to lessen my load for the next sem or to have a productive summer but so that I can be with my friends and that I won't feel left out. Is that crazy, petty and pointless or what? Oh hell.

I sure hope some good things may come out of it. God knows I hope some good things may come out of the war, for the sake of mankind.

* * *

This song's kinda old but it is my ultimate song of the moment. I can just really relate to the lyrics. This is no longer a crush. This is an infatuation. A crazy one, I might add. I sooo hate being like this.

Have You Ever?
Brandy

Chorus:
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for the words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]

The lines in bold just hit it right. I sooo hate feeling this way.

In An Artist's Studio
Christina Rossetti

One face looks out from all his canvasses,
One selfsame figure sits or walks or leans;
We found her hidden just behind those screens,
That mirror gave back all her loveliness.
A queenin opal or in ruby dress,
A nameless girl in freshest summer greens,
A saint, an angel; -- every canvass means
The same one meaning, neither more nor less.
He feeds upon her face by day and night,
And she with true kind eyes looks back on him
Fair as the moon and joyfull as the light;
Not wan with waiting, not with sorrow dim;
Not as she is, but was when hope shone bright;
Not as she is, but as she fills his dream.

* * *

I didn't have any class today so I just went shopping with my family after I passed my Creative Writing 10 writing portfolio and reading journal. Man, that damn journal kept me up till dawn! It was just sooo hard to think of relevant analytical questions with appropriate thesis statements on such diverse and deep literaray pieces. Thank God, it's over and done with.

Anyway, my lil bro graduated from elementary school today and so we ate out at Chili's in Greenhills and did a bit of shopping at Galleria. I am just so psyched for summer - I bought new sunglasses, a pair of sandals and a couple of summery T-shirts - then I realized... I'm not going into a vacation. I'm taking summer classes. Hell.

* * *

I'm yet to watch the Academy Awards tonight. I'll have to be contented with RPN 9's replay together with thousands of commercial breaks. Stupid station. Anyway, I'm happy Chicago won and that Nicole Kidman won Best Actress for The Hours. I haven't really seen any of the films that were nominated but everyone's raving about Chicago and I just knew that Nicole Kidman did a wonderful job. I don't know but that's how it was.

* * *

Andy Roddick lost to Todd Martin, 7-6(3), 6-4, in Miami.

That just sucks. He is sooo inconsistent!

There are plenty of reasons to celebrate on this day... The most important one of course, is that it's

~ * * *MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY* * * ~

To the woman who put up with my bitchiness and laziness the past 17 years...
To the lady who cooks our food, cleans our house, tucks us to bed...
To the person who takes care of me when I'm messed up...
makes me laugh when I'm down or not
and tells me off when I'm being cranky...

~Happy Birthday, Mom.~

Well, It seems like I'll be spending most of my summer vacation wracking my brain in the Math Building, after all. Yes... My parents have agreed with me and I will take summer classes. Math 53 and probably a GE subject. Oh well, there go the beach, Baguio and shopping plans down the drain.

* * *

Ea sent me a so-called fortune telling email thingamajig. There are lots of boxes or cards laid out and you just have to choose and click on one. Well, I chose one and I ended up to this page:

Suekichi

Interesting.

* * *

I better finish my revisions for my CW 10 Writing Portfolio. Man, I think Joe's done with hers already. I am just such a procrastinator.

* * *

Now I ask: Why are we still friends?

We do almost everything that lovers do... and that's why it's hard just to be friends with you.

Why are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
And tell me why
Everytime I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends...

* * *

I got my period. Again. Time for my Advil and Midol supplies to expire once again.

Um... could you say die?


Photo was taken from this site.

Real Madrid drew with Manchester United for the quarterfinal match in the UEFA Champions League. Tsk-tsk. Talk about bad luck. I mean, sure it'll be one great showdown and yeah, I do have faith in my team but still... It'll be one tough match. They're not exactly in the best form right now and they've always had more bad luck than good when they play the second leg away - as it will be this time. Good luck to my dear Raul.

I'm crossing my fingers for this one.

* * *

Also, good luck to Andy at the Nasdaq-100 Open!



This photo was taken at the US Open 2002 match vs Pete Sampras. You can see that this guy is very acrobatic indeed.

Yes. I admit it. I watch telenovelas.

Shame on me, but I do find some of them interesting. Even though they practically have all the same plots and unrealistic characters... I do watch them. Yes, they have crappy scriptwriters (well, most of them...) and overly redundant scenes. Yes, I watched the whole Melody-Bernadette showdown instead of studying Math last Tuesday night. Yes, I do find John Lloyd Cruz and Patrick Garcia adorable.

Shit.

* * *

I am suddenly sooo into astrology right now. Madamme Johanna, I finally get what you mean. They can be very interesting and quite addicting. Here's my Sun Sign according to Astrology.com:

Cancer, the fourth Sign of the Zodiac, is all about home. Those born under this Sign are 'roots' kinds of people and take great pleasure in the comforts of home and family. Cancers are maternal, domestic and love to nurture others. More than likely, their family will be large, too -- the more, the merrier! Cancers will certainly be merry if their home life is serene and harmonious. Traditions are upheld with great zest in a Cancer's household, since these folks prize family history and love communal activities. They also tend to be patriotic, waving the flag whenever possible. A Cancer's good memory is the basis for stories told around the dinner table, and don't be surprised if these folks get emotional about things. Those born under this Sign wear their heart on their sleeve, which is just fine by them.

The mascot of Cancerians is the Crab, and much like this shelled little critter, Cancerians are quick to retreat into their shells if it suits their mood. No wonder these folks are called crabby! For Cancer, it's not that big of a deal, though, since they consider this 'shell' a second home (and they do love home). The flip side of this hiding is that shell-bound Crabs are often quite moody. Further, in keeping with their difficulty in sharing their innermost feelings, it can become a Herculean task to pry a Crab out of its secret hiding place. What to do? Give the Crab time -- eventually these folks will come out to play again. When they do, they'll be the first to say so, in keeping with the Cardinal Quality attached to this Sign. It's said that Crabs are first to laugh and first to cry, so you can bet they'll fill you in. That shell, by the way, isn't the only tough thing about Crabs. These folks are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get their way. If their well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn't do the trick, however, they're not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen. If that still doesn't work, they'll just go back to their shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of their pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive. That said, any self-respecting Crab would tell you that they are ultimately motivated by protecting their home and loved ones, a most noble goal.

Cancerians are ruled by the Moon, the Great Mother of the heavens in ancient times. Here on Earth, this is manifested in the Crab's maternal instincts and desire to protect home and hearth. This may appear smothering at times, but that's the Crab for you. The Moon is associated with fertility, too, a quality which is most pleasing to Cancerians. The Moon is also the ruler of moods, and Cancers have plenty of those. These folks can cry you a river if they're so inclined, and they usually are. They can be overly sensitive, easily hurt and prone to brooding. Even so, Crabs find it easy to be sympathetic to others and are quick to show their affection. Their intuition is also a great help to them, especially in times of stress.

The Element associated with Cancer is Water. Like the rolling waves of the sea, the Crab's emotions can make quite a splash. These folks tend to pick up on things and bring them in, with the outward result ranging from sentimentality to possessiveness. Crabs need to resist the temptation to become selfish or to feel sorry for themselves, since this behavior won't help. On the bright side, Cancers are good with money (although some consider them too thrifty), probably because they value a sense of security. Crabs are also quick to help others and tend to avoid confrontation. In keeping with their nurturing bent, those born under this Sign are a whiz with food. A hearty picnic in the park is heaven on earth to most Crabs.

Cancers often find that a robust workout session is just the tonic for their touchy feelings. Team sports are always nice, since they offer a sense of community; water polo should be elemental to aquatic Crabs. What are their team colors? The Moon is silver and white. Since Cancerians have a tendency to be lazy, however, they may need someone to push them out the door. When it comes to the game of love, eager Crabs are devoted, romantic and able to get things going on their own. Crabs are wise to listen to their gut, since this Sign rules the stomach.

The great strength of the Cancer-born is the tenacity with which they protect their loved ones. These folks don't ask for much, either: a comfortable home and sense of peace about sums it up. It's that nurturing instinct which makes Cancerians a pleasure to be with.

The report is fairly accurate... except for the cooking part. Why do they always insist that we Cancerians like to swim and to cook? I'm not a good swimmer and I don't even know how to cook - I just eat a lot! Oh and yeah... I am not a very nurturing person, mind you.

* * *

I don't know why my blog would be referred by Yahoo! and Google for someone searching on Katya Santos' bold pictures. Amazing what a couple of words can do. Jeez... I just typed her name once again. Tee hee, there's more reason to be on the search list.

* * *

I love this song by David Usher...

Standing at the edge
The edge of it all
Spitting off the top
Watch the day unfurl
Cannot see the view from this place
Clouds are on the rise world is out of faith
Took another pill to find my way
Hope that you'll be there...

Dammit. War has started. It's so sad that some people I know don't even care...

* * *

Current Dilemma: (Well, aside from the war, that is...)

There's this guy whom I sorta like... and when I like guys I get really bitchy with them. I crack insulting jokes (in a subtle way, of course) and give out nasty comments about the way he looks, the way he talks, etc. Weird, you say? Well, who cares? Anyway, he's not so good with comebacks (Well, I guess he doesn't want to fire some nasty ones at me) and when I do such things, he just laughs. Things have been like that for a couple or so months and I've been contented with that.

But lately, the past few weeks, he has come up with a way to shut me up or piss me off... He talks to me with some terms of endearment. Shit. Like, "How's it going, baby?"; "I've been waiting for you, love"; or "Hey, honey" complete with a smile and sometimes, a wink. And what the hell do I respond to that?! I just scowl and tell him to shut up. Sometimes I just want to ignore him, even though... yeah, I still kinda like him. Grrrrr... I hate not having control over things. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?! I'm thinking he's just playing with me... I sense that he's that kind of guy. I mean, he's nice, fun and all but he's smarter and more mischievous than I give him credit for. People are now teasing us with each other... and I don't know if that's good or bad.

God, life is sooo complicated.

* * *

Some sort of a poll...

Tell me whatcha think...

Do I take summer classes for Math 53 or not? (Yeah, yeah, what a dilemma, I know...)

Coz I think I should... If I don't wanna die next sem. But I'm sooo lazy... I wanna have a fun and relaxing vacation and I might flunk it anyway! Sheeesh.

* * *

Mike and Jax are planning this sorta "bonding party" thingamajig for some of us in our batch at the College of Architecture when all classes are over. Plans aren't definite yet, but it'll be at Eastwood City in Libis. It should be fun. I sure hope I can go and everyone else can, too. I do like my set of college friends. They are very funny and interestingly diverse people.

Saddam is evil...
but I am still anti-war

Saddam should be punished...
but I am still anti-war

Saddam deserves to die...
but I am still anti-war dammit!

* * *

Terrorism... War... Killer pneumonia...

Shit. Is the world coming to an end?

* * *

I'll have my third departmental exam in Math 14 tomorrow. I hope to get a better grade this time. In order to do this, I must study and get off this damn computer...

Still, I'm not moving...

* * *

So, the so-called field trip for Arch 3 isn't going to push through, after all... The prof just told us to do an "anything-goes" final plate. That makes it a lot harder. Hmph. I wanted to go on a field trip!

Today was our last Arch 3 class and... well, I'm going to miss it. The prof was cool enough and yeah, I learned a lot from him. I'm going to miss my classmates too... Well, sure some of them would still be my classmates in the future but you know... It was a fun class. We actually had a real professional cartoonist in class. He taught us a few techniques and he even did a caricature of one of our classmates. Damn you, Jiddu! Lucky guy. I shouldn't have volunteered him as the subject. He already won a painting when this professional artist came to our class and did a demonstration. Now he gets his own caricature! Hmph...

* * *

I must study. I should study. Now...

Today was a rather short but interesting day.

We had the usual game in Kas 2 - I have no idea how I'm ever going to study for the finals as all we're doing is giving out or getting handouts then playing games. Tsk-tsk. We did not meet for my English 12 class so I just hung around the AS lobby and tried to do some homework. During Creative Writing 10, all Joe and I did were flip through her astrological book and as usual, made fun of everyone.

Niner and I waited up for the other people at the AS steps... We ate lunch at the Purple House and chatted as usual. Then I went off to Eng'g to check if my Arch 4 prof posted our grades already. Man, my grades suck. I sort of computed everything already and I could end up with a 2.0 or a 2.25. Shittt. To think that other people found the class to be sooo easy. Why am I so dumb?!

Anyway, after checking the grade and hanging around for a bit... I decided to go home. Sigh...

* * *

You should all give Madamme Johanna a try while consultations are free. She might cost quite a lot once she moves to Quiapo. Harharhar.

* * *

There was a bit of a rift between Martha and Naomi this morning... Man, Mart was really fuming when she showed up at the AS steps. Turns out she was in her Math class when her phone started ringing. Uh, now don't ask me why it's not on silent mode. She ignored it for awhile then finally took out her cellphone then cancelled the call. Well, her evil Math professor turned to her and scolded her. Mart apologized quickly and sincerely and thought that it was over. The prof went on writing on the board but then turned back to her and just exploded. You know, yadayadayada... Completely pointless scolding and so, Martha, the person that she is... well, she talked back. They were practically shouting at each other. Tsk-tsk. Anyway, when she checked her phone, it was Naomi who called and a text message followed. It said: hey, san kayo? i'm all alone... and with that, she just wanted to strangle both Naomi and her prof. When we all met up for lunch, Martha acted all nonchalantly when Naomi apologized but it was clear that she was still pissed off.

All I can say is, what a way to start the week.

* * *

I got this personality profile thingy from this site. It seems pretty accurate and all... Answering the questions and the whole process of getting the report was such a hassle though. So I warn anyone who wants to try it out... better be patient. Lotsa ads and other mailing list offers will come your way before you can even see the report!

Margaux's Personality Profile

General Personality Characteristics

You have powerful emotional attachments to the past, your family, your childhood, those places you associate with safety and security and your beginnings. Maintaining a connection with your roots and heritage and keeping family bonds strong are very important to you. Loyal, devoted, and sentimental, you tend to cling to whatever is dear to you, be it person, familiar place, or cherished possession.

You are sympathetic, nurturing, supportive, and very sensitive to the emotional needs of other people. You like to be needed, to care for others, and you often worry about the people you love. You have a very strong need for a sense of belonging and acceptance, and you center much of your life around your home. You are more concerned about people and their feelings than with power, achievement, or position in society. Kindness, consideration, and tenderness impress you more than any sort of honor the world can bestow.

You are primarily emotional and your views are often dominated by your feelings and by your own personal, subjective experiences, rather than reason, logic, or abstract principles. It is difficult for you to judge situations in a fair, objective manner for your personal sympathies and loyalties usually enter in. You take things very personally, and sometimes build a wall around yourself to protect yourself from pain and rejection. You feel rather shy and vulnerable at heart. You also tend to be moody, experiencing frequent emotional ups and downs. You need to have a place and time in your life to withdraw, introspect, dream, and replenish yourself; otherwise you become cranky and unhappy with those around you.

You function in an instinctive, nonrational manner and like to immerse yourself in creative activities where you can express your feelings, imagination, and instincts. You often love to cook, since it can be both creative and a way to nurture and nourish others. You also have a great affinity for music, because it evokes and communicates feelings that may be difficult or impossible to put into words.

Your compassion, sensitivity, and imagination are your strong points. Your faults include an inability to release the past and go forward, clannishness and prejudice, and a tendency to be self-pitying when you meet hardships in life.

Mental Interests and Abilities

You are highly interested in inner, subjective, and personal issues, and your thinking is based more on feelings, intuition, personal experiences, and prejudices rather than reason or logic. Intellectual abilities and accomplishments without heart or soul mean little to you. You are empathic and would be an excellent counselor, for you are a sensitive listener and deeply interested in a person's feelings and inner life. In addition to psychology, you are drawn to education, art, poetry, music, or mythology. You are not especially confident about speaking in public, but will open up and share your thoughts in small, intimate groups. You enjoy keeping a diary or personal journal and reading the chronicles of others' lives and personal development.

That certain report and Madamme Joe's astrological book have got quite a lot of similarities. Cool.

Quizzes Galore!
Yes... I don't have anything to blog about so I just thought I'd post some results of the quizzes I took...


Nerdslut


What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm... this outcome is verrry interrresting. I never knew I was a nerdslut... What a great paradox. On the second thought, I used to look good in glasses... Now, I think it's otherwise.


Silly Flirt


What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Now this one hit the jackpot right! Hahaha. I'd rather not elaborate.


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow. Perfect girlfriend, huh? Now all I need is a perfect boyfriend!


You're normal. Normal?! NORMAL?! Oh SCREW YOU!You
KNEW you were normal when you came here, you
FREAK. GET OUT! GET OUT! *throws you at a bus*


How Depressed are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Gee, it never occurred to me that I am even the tiniest bit normal! I guess I'm normal in comparison to those who are extremely suicidal... But really, I do get depressed quite often.


your asshole.


What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hahaha. I knew it!

I was practically lounging around all day... I don't know... I've been feeling really lazy. Anyway, I got to see Andy lose once again to Rainer Shitttler - oops, I meant, Schuettler - the same guy who got him booted off the Aussie Open semifinals last January. He lost pretty bad at 3-6, 2-6. Oh well... He did a great job anyway, reaching the quarters at his first Masters tourney of the year. He seems to be injured - once again - with something strapped around his left leg. Tsk-tsk.



Photo from Sportsline

* * *

I know I can be bitchy (in a rather subtle way, that is) and I can make nasty comebacks or funny comments every once in a while... but it doesn't give my whole Arch 3 class to just easily make fun of me. Okay, okay... that came out in a wrong way. They didn't exactly make fun of me (or they're probably be dead right now if they even dared)... They just... I don't know, I just can't seem to keep a low profile in that class. Maybe it's because practically everyone I know from our batch is in there and yeah, we all get along quite well... Yesterday was just too much. I mean, okay... it's not that I'm pissed off or hurt or anything emotional like that, it's just that... everyone seemed to have noticed my presence yesterday and I suppose, it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Oh well... I'm too tired to get into the whole thing. It was probably Bash Margaux Day... the said event happens every month anyway. Ha.

* * *

Deb, Jax and Kevin decided to eat at Tapa King after their Math class yesterday morning because their next class, our Arch 3, was to start late. While they were talking during the meal, Jax brought up the whole "parents" topic and asked Deb how was her relationship with her Mom. Turns out they have a pretty rocky relationship... and slowly, Deb got emotional and practically in tears. (No, that wasn't funny, I know). She was still a bit teary-eyed when they came back to UP. Along the way, during the trip back, Kevin tried to comfort her and told her everything's gonna be fine, blah, blah, blah... while Jax remained stiff and silent. I suppose, he felt a bit guilty and found the situation awkward... with two guys and a crying girl. He even told Kevin before they left Tapa King, "Balik na tayong UP, kailangan niyan babae."

Tsk-tsk. Si Jax talaga o!

* * *

The load is getting lighter these days when the school year - my first year in college (*sniff-sniff* - yeah right!) - is getting to a close. I still have those Kas 2 and English 12 final exams next week, the CW 10 reading and writing journals and the Arch 3 and Arch 20 final major plates.

That Arch 3 final plate should be fun as we are going to a field trip in the process. Haha. Yeah, I'm giddy about field trips.

This time last year...

I was running all over my high school campus getting signatures for my clearance form.
I was worrying if I passed my Calculus and Physics finals.
I was having sleepless nights deciding which university to attend, UP or Ateneo.
I was watching my so-called high school barkada disintegrate.
I was wasting my final high school days on graduation practices, complete with the synchronized sitting down and standing up.
This time, last year... I was just a sixteen-year-old graduating high school senior.
Clueless, naive, idealistic.
It's amazing how much a person changes in a span of 12 months.

* * *

I've wanted to read Prozac Nation for the longest time... but I've never got the chance to. Hmph. I'm broke (as always) and my mom doesn't want to buy any more "leisure" books for me coz she already had a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix reserved for me. Hehe. It was quite funny actually. She came to pick me up from school once and told me that she had the reservation at National Bookstore... as a surprise, I guess. But then, it was her who got surprised when I told her the book might cost over a thousand bucks! Oh well... Thanks Mom. Just in time for my 18th birthday. I can't wait for June... only because of my birthday and the Harry Potter book release. Definitely not because of school. Hell no. Sometimes I think June is the worst month to have a birthday on. It is scorching hot, people are busy and, most often than not, broke at that time of the year.

* * *

My high school had this sort of so-called curse in which each batch produces a pregnant student... anytime in high school. Now, I am not exactly sure who's the victim in my batch (or if there really is such)... but the rumors about this certain girl are pretty nasty as soon as she disappeared and flew off to the States. Jeez. Gossip really sucks...

* * *

I am almost done with my Arch 16 mid-term... I still have to draw some stuff, but all in all... I'm pretty much done. Thank God. Well, I also need to help out with the Kas2 reporting tomorrow... Other than those two, tomorrow will be a good day even if it's my 7AM-7PM day.

* * *

Mom bought a new cellphone. I forgot the model, but it is the latest from Panasonic and it is very, I do mean very, expensive. It's one of those camera-MMS-polyphonic tone-featured models... It is sooo damn cool. I am sooo jealous. I'd be contented with a Nokia 7210... Hint, hint, hint, Mom... Dad... Anyone?

* * *

Right... well, I'll go along with the series of short blog snippets... I got to watch the live coverage of Andy's first round match vs Thomas Enqvist at the Pacific Life Open at Indian Wells. He won 6-4, 6-4. Mandy Moore was there at his appointed box together with his coach Tarik Benhabiles. I am sooo happy for Andy.

Hmmm... I can just sooo relate to this song.

Unwell
by Matchbox 20

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

[Chorus:]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me.

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

[Chorus]

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

[Chorus]

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

And no... I am not a psycho. I'm just... a little schizo. Ha!

Oh, and I also love this song, though I can't really relate much.

Let Me Be The One
by Jimmy Bondoc

Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free

[Ref:]
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye

Somebody told me you still loved me
Don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is true again

[Ref]

[Bridge:]
Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
If you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart

[Ref]

I don't know... it's not the usuall break-up song. The lyrics are quite original and very heartfelt... and yeah, it doesn't hurt that Jimmy Bondoc can really sing!

* * *

I still have to finish my damn Arch 16 take-home midterm exam... and it's not that easy. Prof Fag has a way of complicating the simplest essay questions with a lot of BS. Whoops. That was very mean.

* * *

I am sooo hating Math 14. Trigonometry used to be fun... well, not really fun, probably just okay... in high school. Now it is just sooo... Grrr. I feel so dumb. As usual... And it doesn't help as my friends are practically breezing through the whole thing! I wanna strangle someone...

* * *

I am such a hopeless romantic... That, I realized.

I cried watching Titanic, Romeo and Juliet... and Pretty in Pink!
I used to collect love quotes from every single movie or TV show that I've watched.
I was and still am obsessed with fairy tales.
I am such a sucker for Pablo Neruda poems.
I can watch Meg Ryan-Tom Hanks movies a hundred times and not puke.
I used to have a crush on Prince Eric of The Little Mermaid.
I used to write love stories and romantic poems during my pre-teen years.
I am in love with the idea of being in love.

It sucks to be a hopeless romantic.

My friend Mariel told me that there's probably a vacancy at her dorm along Katipunan and then our other friend Deb asks me if I'd want to stay with her at a house at the Teacher's Village... Sigh... The situation is just sooo unclear. I've got lots of stuff to do and I still have to find an appropriate dorm...

And yeah... I checked the CRS website last night coz I hear some of the class schedules for the next sem are already there. And dammit... I've got 3 majors that I'll be taking up next sem, Arch 6, 17 and 21. Sounds good? Well, I just saw that these subjects are scheduled as follows:
Arch 6 - MTh 1:30-3:30 PM
Arch 17 - TF 1:00-3:00 PM
Arch 21 - MTh 3:30-8:00 PM!
That is just absolute hell. I already hate my 7:00 PM dismissal this sem... turns out next sem will be worse. Grrrrr...

They should definitely put up a dormitory at Melchor Hall!

* * *


You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Now, that is absolutely untrue. I don't smirk quite a lot and I do give a damn most of the time. Jeez.

* * *

WHAT IS THE SOUND OF A HEART BREAKING?
by Karen Kunawicz

What is the sound of a heart breaking?
It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night,
The sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin,
It's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring,
The sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat,
It's the whispers of the toy animals he gave you.
It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you,
The sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye",
It's the soundtrack of memories torturing you,
It's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time,
It's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink,
It's the unrelenting plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.
It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop,
The sound of all the doors shutting and closing in your face at the same time,
Of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you,
The sound of your voice at it screams back at you, the echo of "I love yous" burning holes inside you,
The sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.
The sound of the waves of the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind,
Of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "S0S-to-the-world",
The cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave,
The sound of the music he used to make going to your gut.
The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor,
The caress of kitchen knives on skin,
The sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear.
It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there,
Of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement,
Of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness,
It's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company,
It's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.
Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding.
Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery.
No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

Ari's debut was fantastic! She just looked amazing. Everything was just great. Jeez. Now, I couldn't help but think of my own debut! Man, that guy Drew is hot. So hot, he's sizzling! Too bad he looked sort of maangas and mayabang... and too bad he's already reserved his dear heart for Ari. Oh right... too bad he's on the short side, too. But he's still hot! They looked like such a cute couple.

Sigh. I just remember back in high school when Ari used to tell us stories or anecdotes how guys are easily turned-off by her and how she's so klutzy and so un-girlfriend material. Well, nothing has changed about her much... but it's those things, being klutzy, hyper, crazy that got guys going after her. And it's not like she's not a great gal... Come on, she's the kind of person a lot of people aspire to become. A great artist (you should see her award-winning paintings!), an awesome swimmer (the fastest swimmer in our batch and also won in quite a lot of competitions), an effective actress (from the declamations to the plays she starred in), a true friend, a lovable "Ate" and an obedient daughter.

Drew would be lucky to have her. If she'll let him. Now, when will all these happen to me?

* * *

I have this friend who's been pissing me off for quite a long time. She's sooo plastic. She's such a social-climber who keeps on squeezing herself to places she doesn't really belong. Grrr... I don't want to talk about it.

* * *

Is this a Christina Rossetti poem? I'm not so sure but I can absolutely relate... Tsk-tsk.

On the Outside Looking In

Day after day I'm feeling kind of lonely
Day after day it's him and him only
Something in his eyes
Made my hopes start to rise
He's in a world that never includes me
Nothing he makes will ever delude me
I'll never win
This is how it's always been
I'm on the outside looking in.

* * *

God. It is sooo damn scorching, sizzling, baking hot! I can't wait till school is over. I've decided not to take summer classes and go back to being a bum for two months. Jeez... I already feel like a lazy bum right now... what more once summer starts?

I want to enjoy this summer vacation first... it may be the last summer vacation I'll have for the next five years!

* * *

Since I have nothing else to blog about... I suppose I'd just tell the whole world that my two most favorite books in the world are JD Salinger's The Catcher In The Rye and Victor Hugo's Les Miserables. Why? Long story... but I really loved them. Maybe it's the pessimistic person that I am. I don't really know. Man, I really read the unabridged version of Les Mis and I still ended up loving it. And yes, I still leaf through the pages of both books during my free time.

Here are some quotes and lines from the novels that I really liked:

The Catcher In The Rye

“Certain things should just stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone.”
“Boy, when you are dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddamn cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you are dead? Nobody.”
"People never notice anything"
"You don't always have to get too sexy to get to know a girl"
"You think if they're intelligent and all, the other person, and have a good sense of humor, that they don't give a damn whose suitcases are better, but they do. They really do."
"God, I love it when a kid's nice and polite when you tighten their skate for them or something. Most kids are. They really are."
"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." (that was quoted from Wilhelm Stekel)
"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world. It's impossible."
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody"

I loved Holden's character. I also liked the way Jane Gallagher's character was built though she wasn't even there. It just... nice. What an adjective, I know.

Les Miserables

"There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher."
"To be a saint is the exception; to be upright is the rule. Err, falter, sin, but be upright. To commit the least possible sin is the law for man. Sin is a gravitation."
“A compliment is something like a kiss though a veil.”
"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved."
"Could it be you fear to die? Will the world remember you when you fall? Could it be your death means nothing at all? Is your life just one more lie?" (Well, this one is said by Grantaire from the musical, though...)
"No one ever keeps a secret so well as a child."
"It is on December nights, with the thermometer at zero, that we most think of the sun."
Oh right... plus Marius' A Heart Beneath A Stone letter to Cosette.

I absolutely loved the character of Jean Valjean and the little kid Gavroche. Yes... I cried when I read the part when Gavroche died and also the part when the two gamins (his little brothers) were abandoned. Sigh. I didn't like Cosette and Marius that much though. Cosette seemed like such a bratty, one-dimensional character and Marius seemed sooo... plain and gullible. Oh right, it seemed like everyone loved Eponine. Well, I can relate to her in the musical...

On My Own

And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
Without a home without a friend
Without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world would go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

* * *

Wow. That was a long blog entry! Tee-hee.

Everybody loves Kristin Kreuk. Yeah, yeah... Okay, I admit it... She's probably one of the most beautiful faces on television right now. The whole Eurasian or whatever East-West mix she's got is practically perfect. Most of the guys I know drool over her. I've never met a guy who doesn't like her. Jeez. If only... Okay, I'll shut up now. My self-esteem is going down the drains.



picture from the site Kristin Kreuk the Beautiful

* * *

With all the debuts and parties I've attented the past year and all that I'll be attending within the next few months... I couldn't help but think of how I'll spend mine. I know, I know... It is months away, but still. I don't really know what's the point of getting so worked up about my 18th birthday, but I am getting worked up. No, a grand celebration is not an option... I am not that extravagant and I really don't like people fussing over me. I just want to have fun that night and to be with my loved ones... Oh well, it'll come to me sooner or later.

Right. I am excited for Ari's debut. I don't know why but I know it'll be lots of fun. The theme is Hawaiian, like a luau... and yeah, even though finding stuff to wear was a hassle, it should be a great party.

* * *

Anna Kournikova was seen cheering Sergei Federov (well, I think it is Segei... I'm not sure though), the hockey player she used to date on and off, at his NHL game. So what, you say? Nothing. I just don't have anything else to blog about today. Unless you wanna hear me rant about being swamped with schoolwork once again...

* * *

Here's yet another series of Emily Dickinson poems...

47

Heart! We will forget him!
You and I -- tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave --
I will forget the light!

When you have done, pray tell me
That I may straight begin!
Haste! lest while you're lagging
I remember him!

704

No matter -- now -- Sweet --
But when I'm Earl --
Won't you wish you'd spoken
To that dull Girl?

Trivial a Word -- just --
Trivial -- a Smile --
But won't you wish you'd spared one
When I'm Earl?

I shan't need it -- then --
Crests -- will do --
Eagles on my Buckles --
On my Belt -- too --

Ermine -- my familiar Gown --
Say -- Sweet -- then
Won't you wish you'd smiled -- just --
Me upon?

781

To wait an Hour -- is long --
If Love be just beyond --
To wait Eternity -- is short --
If Love reward the end --

It's not that I can really relate to all of them... I don't know... I can just feel for the persona. I think I'm having CW10 overload. Tee-hee.

I would really, really like Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not The One... with its great lyrics and melody... if only he didn't sing it sooo freakishly. I don't know. There's just something weird about the way he sang it. But yeah, it is a great song.

Whatever, I rest my case.

* * *

Today is homework or schoolwork day. I should really get a move on with my schoolwork... I've gotta find good pictures of great residential homes for Arch 20 and I also gotta finish that textured-window water color painting thingy for Arch 3. Oh right. Not to mention browse through Rushdie's Midnight's Children for English 12 and read the first 6 manuscripts for the CW10 workshop. Grrrr...

* * *

Longing
by Matthew Arnold

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,
A messenger from radiant climes,
And smile on thy new world, and be
As kind to others as to me!

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,
Come now, and let me dream it truth;
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,
And say: My love! why sufferest thou?

Come to me in my dreams, and then
By day I shall be well again!
For then the night will more than pay
The hopeless longing of the day.

I just came home from Den's debut... Had a great time. It was fun seeing everyone again, though I wasn't in the mood for some crazy dancing, a lot of us had fun talking and catching up. Anyway, insomniac me is still up but I don't feel like blogging about anything... So, I'll probably blog later in the day. I'm making no sense, I know.